Missing Your Session
For six months now I’ve posted a TTRPG article weekly. I missed Tuesday and this is a makeup article, so my wife suggested that I own up to missing the post and post about missing! (It still counts as “this week” though, so my streak continues.)
Everyone has to miss a session now and again. Depending on your group, it may be a common occurrence that someone misses, or it might be a rare thing. My group has been meeting on Thursdays for about 10 years now, so most of us know not to schedule other activities then. But there are always work/family emergencies, out of town vacations, and straight up illnesses to get in the way.
Even though this happens frequently, telling your party you’re going to miss can cause all sorts of anxiety for people. Even with my long running group, calling out can feel like I’m letting my whole group down. When you care about your group’s fun, it makes sense that it causes stress. But how you react to that stress will impact your group just as much as whether or not you miss.
Level 0: No-Show
The worst thing to do, but the least uncomfortable for you, as an anxious person, is to simply not show up to session. You don’t have to contact anyone, you don’t need to own up to your mistake. Great for you, terrible for everyone else.
If everyone else in your group gathers together for game night and you don’t show, they probably wait for you. In my group, we wait for about 10 minutes after session start and then call to see whats up. If the person answers and says they’re not going to be there, we have to figure out how we move forward. If they don’t answer, it is even worse because now we don’t know if we’re being rude by starting the session or not. The longer we wait, the less we get to play. My weekly session is limited by work schedules, and we only get about 2.5 official hours of play each week. Waiting a half an hour for someone who is late means we gave up 20% of our already short session. (short by the 4-hour TTRPG standard)
The confusion of a no show is terrible, because we can’t even make a decision as group how to move forward. This is level 0 because it puts all of the pain onto your party and takes none of it onto yourself. A minor step up from this is:
Level 1: Calling in
An easy improvement is just to tell everyone you’re missing. Call one or more person in the group, or contact the group chat for your session and let them know you wont be attending. You can give a reason if you want to, but the most important part is just being clear to the group that they shouldn’t wait. Now they know for sure you aren’t attending. They can make an informed decision about whether to begin right away, delay until next session, or maybe swap to board games for the evening.
Unfortunately, this can still impact your group poorly for a couple of reasons. Your GM might have planned the session for a certain number of people, or people may have planned their whole night around the session. On game day, some of my players change their dinner plans or carry an extra game bag with them all day to bring their books for session. Worst case scenario, 2 people both call out last minute and then the whole night is killed, but half the group is at the meeting spot with nothing to do. If you don’t give any notice that you wont show, you deny the rest of your party the ability to plan for your absence. So, the next level is:
Level 2: Giving a Heads up
A really respectable way to handle absences is to let everyone know a day in advance. This feels worse than a last minute text, because now you have to proactively admit that you’ll be missing. You must take responsibility, come to terms with it, and make your plans known. It feels a lot worse than stalling out, but it really gives your party the information they need to plan around the disruption. Your GM can re-scale encounters with a day’s notice, and if a second person calls out, everyone is able to discuss group plans.
And once you get more comfortable telling your group when you’ll be mission, you may find:
Level 3: Planning ahead
If you know when you’re going to miss far in advance, your group can plan around it! When we knew people would miss a session in 2-3 weeks, we’ve acted in advance and left the missing player’s character in town and replaced them with an NPC for the next adventure. The player plays the NPC while they’re there, and the GM plays when they’re gone. And in the meantime, the normal character is off accomplishing something important offscreen, coming back with new allies, information, or loot.
This also works for longer absences. When one of our group went on an international trip for 2 months last year, we took the time to take a break from our campaign and planned a whole mini-adventure arc to keep us busy until they came back and the main group resumed.
Everyone has to miss now and again. How you handle it is up to you.
Missing session never feels great. But how early you let your table know and how much you work with them to arrange for the session determines how negatively it impacts them. Work with them regarding your absence, and you may be surprised how much they’re willing to work with you to make it pay off for everyone involved.