Stop Getting Bulldozed at Your table
Feeling like you’re always getting bulldozed during session? Like you often offer your opinions to the group, and for some reason, no one listens to you? It happens to a lot of us, but there are ways to reduce how often it happens.
When there are 4-6 people all shouting opinions around a table, it can be super hard as a GM (or even as a player) to figure out where the conversation is settling. This happens mostly during exploration or social encounters, when initiative isn’t followed, and players don’t necessarily get solid “turns” that go around the table.
Lets set an example for this article. We’re a party of adventurers who just arrived back in town. We adventured because a noble hired us to clear out an orc camp. Orcs are dead, loot was gathered, including some unidentified magic items, and a mysterious coded note was found in the chief’s tent.
You have a lot of different stuff to do in town!
Decode the note
Sell the loot
Buy things with your money
Meet with the noble to get paid
Identify the magic items
What do you do? Lets imagine that you want to decode the note first, because maybe that is why the noble wanted the orcs dead.
Before we go into specifics, let’s think of what you need in order for any action to occur at the table. You state what you are attempting to do. Your GM has to hear you, and then the GM needs to acknowledge the action. Lets see a few common ways we talk at the table, and how they stack up.
Level 0: Asking the group
“Don’t you think we should head to the library to decode the note?”
This is a really common way that new players speak, and also players who don’t want to feel overbearing. You speak this way because you feel bulldozed at the table, and the last thing you want to do is make anyone else feel like that. Unfortunately, those good intentions are your problem. TTRPGs appeal to a lot of neurodivergent folks, and if all you do is ask, they will answer their yes no opinion and move on.
Do you state what you are attempting to do? No. You are asking others whether they think that someone should do something. The other can say yes or no, but even if they agree, no actions are declared.
Did your GM hear you? Probably not. You addressed the other players, not the GM. What the GM hears in this situation is table-talk between players, they are probably prepping for the next story beat they need to remember.
Will your GM acknowledge the action? Well, you never declared one, so there was nothing to acknowledge. Best case you can hope for is another player agreeing with you and declaring their own action instead.
Level 1: Advising the group
“I think we should decode the note at the library, we should know that before we meet with the noble.”
This is a step in the right direction, but still a fairly weak statement. Much better than simply asking others for their opinion, because it actually provides your opinion. Now your party knows which way you are voting. It still has a lot of the same issues as before though.
Do you state what you are attempting to do? No. You state what you think the group should do. You don’t actually state event what you want to do. We’re getting closer, though.
Did your GM hear you? Probably not. This kind of statement is still generally directed at your party, and not at the GM. Its slightly more likely that they hear, but there’s no reason for them to listen.
Will your GM acknowledge the action? No action to acknowledge, not addressed at the GM, they have no reason to acknowledge. At the best, the GM has to act as a vote-caller, and check with the party to see if they agree.
Level 2: Declaring your desire
“I want to go to the library to decode the note, because we should know what it says before meeting with the noble.”
OK, now we’re getting somewhere. The statement gives what you want to do, yourself. There’s no question about who is going to take the action, or what your opinion is.
Do you state what you are attempting to do? Sort of. This statement is what you want to do. If this statement was directed at the party, then you’re again just giving your opinion. If it was directed at the GM, then it is a statement of action.
Did your GM hear you? This time, maybe! If you aimed the statement at them, hopefully they clued in. You’re relying on the GM to read body language and pay attention here though, which isn’t always a guarantee around a busy table with 4-5 people. If you didn’t directly address them and they were looking something up in a book, they might have assumed you were addressing other players.
Will your GM acknowledge the action? If they heard, then yes! But if they didn’t notice, then no. Fingers crossed.
Level 3: Declaring your action
“GM, I head to the library with the note to decode it. I think it is important to know what it says before we talk to the noble.”
Now this is what we want. It is clear, it is declarative. It even has a reason, and a suggested outcome for the GM to plan around. You clearly communicate to your GM, and anchor future discussions around why you are taking the action.
Do you state what you are attempting to do? Yes! The action piece is even split apart from the opinion statement.
Did your GM hear you? Yes! You directly addressed them, which has a way of cutting through the noise for people.
Will your GM acknowledge the action? Yes! you have addressed them directly, and given a clear action statement. They can now confirm with you that you have acted.
Addressing your party will never cause you to act
Taking action at the table involves declaring your character action. If that statement goes towards your fellow players instead of the GM, then the GM has no reason to respond.
If you are still worried about being overbearing, then speed run the levels. Start by asking the party opinion. Then don’t leave it there! Give your opinion, and then after the discussion ends, address the GM. Give your action statement. This turns you into a “shot caller” at the table, acting like a team captain to declare party actions.
No bulldozing as long as you check first, and also don’t get bulldozed!